It boils down to this: Sure, the girls are super cute and fun and entertaining now. And they still will be in a year. And it two years. And three years. But soon enough, I'll blink and they'll be 15. They'll have their own lives, their own interests. What if they don't want to hang out with me anymore? What if they don't like the things I like, such as classical music and board games and science fiction? Will we drift apart? Will they think I'm a big geek? I know our relationship will change as they get older -- it already has. And that's a good thing. I think. I'm just scared of where this progression will take us, and I fear it's largely out of my control.
So I continue to struggle with this nostalgia for the present. I think I just need to relax.
11 comments:
i find i'm struggling with this so much more lately. i don't know if it's been spurred on by reading entries like this or the fact that my youngest (who should have always stayed a baby, darn it!) turns 5 tomorrow. they are different every day and sometimes it's hard to remember everything you want to.
sigh...the best thing, i suppose, is just take lots of deep breaths, grab lots of hugs and enjoy every bit of today that we can.
The first real painful moment for me was watching little David going off to kindergarten. Then when he left for college I felt a sense of panic and regret mixed with a lot of pride. Kids grow up so fast that you really do turn around and wonder where all the years went a I always regretted postponing the family trips for a later time until finally it was too late to ever do it again. Might sound corny but try to savor every moment and try to not defer anything until a "better" time. When the nest is empty and your birdies have flown away, it's so hard to be a part of their lives. I love you.
I always used to worry that my kids wouldn't want anything to do with me as they grew older. Surprisingly though, I find that we're growing closer with each passing year. I'm their mom, which means they always need me for one thing or another. :)
I relate to this, too, but I have found that each new stage brings a new kind of closeness that I hadn't predicted or thought of. Sure, I'm no longer nursing my kids, or washing each of their tiny toes, or holding them all day. But now? We play board games together, and read interesting big books together, and they get to share thoughts and ideas with me. I have to hand it to your girls, though - the age they are at is practically perfect in every way! Someone once told me that being a mother was like having your heart ripped out, over and over again, and yet? We can't get enough.
As they grow, you grow too. You will be excited to usher them into each new stage, as they arrive, just like you were when they learned to sit up, and stand, and walk, and talk. Not a moment too soon, and certainly not a moment sooner.
I remember when Nick was first enrolled in early intervention (2.5 months old) I thought it would be forever before he turned 3 and left the program...I blinked and he was 3. It is a daily struggle for me too! I try to enjoy the time, take pictures so that I'll have memory sparks when my old age sets in, and keep the coffee and cigarettes on heavy rotation ;) (They don't work...boohoo, kidding of course)
Ruggless and I had to stop for a bus load of middle schoolers today. We looked at each other cross-eyed, and I said, "You ready?"
Of course, all he could say was, "We can barely feed them now! What's it going to be when they are that age? 4 pounds of spaghetti?"
Just imagine what you have to look forward to -- teaching them to play Boggle, reading Harry Potter with them, having Paul Simon and Paula Abdul singalongs (better do this one quick before the middle-school eye-rolling begins).
I can't deny that those girlies are pretty darn cute, though! Who can blame you for wanting to have them this adorable always?
Take heart and try to relax if you can. Yes, they will grow up in what seems to be a "blink of an eye"! But think of the fun that lies ahead as you live your life with them for the many years you may rightly contemplate! Every stage is fun and even when they bring others into your life after they bolt the confines of Mom's watchful eye it is great fun. You will find that you will enjoy the special people they bring into your life almost as much as you do them. Think about the prgression from our daughter Jan, to Airan and on to you! Wow! I would have never met you if Airan had not left his Mother's strings! See, it is not all bad!
Gramps
Can't relate since I don't have kids yet, but just wanted to comment on the cute picture!
have a nice weekend.
Just a note to let you know you've been nominated for Best Commentor in the Share the Love Blog Awards at OneWomansWorld -- http://onewomansworld.blogspot.com/2007/01/share-love_19.html . It won't show yet in the list of nominees, but should soon.
Wow--thanks, Shannon! I'm honored!
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