If this is a 12-step program, I think I'm on step 2

Today, I stopped by the vet's office for the first time since June 24. As I was driving there, I realized that it would in fact be my first time back, so of course I spent the rest of the drive thinking about it. And when I got there, I stood at the counter with Pepper's pee sample in my hands and tears in my eyes, feeling both silly and wretched, dying to get out as fast as possible, preferably before the waterworks started. I guess I'm constantly surprised that the wound is still so raw. I avoid talking about it and thinking about it. I prefer not to use or hear his name. But, every now and then, I'm confronted with something that I can't ignore or shove away -- a picture, his quilt, an unmistakably Puckish hair on the couch or in my cereal -- and I find myself overcome all over again.

A Few Quick Notes

(Mostly TV-related, since watching television doesn't hurt.)

1) Sayid on Lost = so hot.

2) Tonight's Colbert Report = hilarious. If you didn't see it, catch one of the seventeen reruns tomorrow.

3) It's supposed to snow in Chicago tomorrow. I used to look forward to every snowfall because of the possibility that it might net me a snow day. I don't get snow days anymore (or sick days, for that matter), so I'm considering tomorrow's possible inclement weather with some trepidation.

4) If anyone has advice concerning collecting a urine sample from a dog with the least possible spillage and mess, please -- for the love of all that's good and pure -- share.

It Shouldn't Hurt to Blog

Tendonitis? Carpal tunnel syndrome? I don't know what it is, but whatever it is, it has my left hand and arm in a grip of fiery pain. And since I need to be using the little bit of typing I can do for activities that make me money (hello, big pile of freelance work!), I might not be blogging or commenting much until I have this sorted out. Forgive me! If you have any advice about setting up an ergonomic workstation, please send it my way.

Seriously, what's with those funny hats?

Tomorrow morning, we'll take Sophia and Evelyn for their twice-a-year check-up at the Shriners Hospital's osteogenesis imperfecta clinic. I don't mind telling you that this impending appointment causes me no small amount of anxiety.

What will the doctors find wrong this time? What is it that's been lurking undetected lo these many months? Fractures we never suspected? Dangerously bowed limbs? Limb length discrepancies? Other ailments my hypochondriac mind hasn't even dreamed up yet? Here we've been thinking they're fine, no OI-related problems -- things are tripping along nicely, thank you very much (as long as no one actually trips).

But since our last visit in April, both girls started crawling, then pulling up to stand, then cruising. Sophia had a bit of a fall. Both girls have bonked their heads and behinds countless times in the process of learning to stand. What damage has been done?

At our first Shriners Hospital visit, we didn't have this fear. We waltzed in with our miracle babies who survived a 10-week NICU stay and who, by golly, wouldn't be held down by this blasted OI. They're made of steel, I tell you! So we were not at all prepared to learn that, somehow, without us even suspecting it, both girls had broken several ribs. How does that happen? How does a baby who can't even roll over yet, whose parents have been trained to be so cautious they never pick her up by the midsection, how does this baby break -- not one -- but several ribs? And -- not one -- but two babies did it! How?

So, let me tell you, we lived with fear after that appointment. Every time we picked them up, we worried that we were breaking a bone. Every time they cried for no reason we could discern, we were sure they'd broken something. It was constantly in our thoughts. What's broken this time?

Turns out, nothing (as far as we know). Nothing has broken (as far as we know) since those ribs nearly a year ago. The girls sailed through their second Shriners Hospital visit six months ago with barely a comment from the doctors. They have survived all of the normal learning-to-be-a-toddler stages with no damage (as far as we know).

And yet, the fear is here to stay.

So, we'll find out tomorrow if the (as far as we know) becomes an (I can tell you for sure). We'll see if we can start the next six-month cycle with a cautious optimism instead of a petrified terror and guilt about a) having allowed them to break bones and b) not even knowing it, that's what bad parents we are.

Wish us luck.

Laura Roslin for President

While I'm on this TV kick, why not out myself for the total geek I am? Who else watched the series premier of Battlestar Galactica last night? (I'm guessing not one of you, with the possible exception of my mom.)

It was so great! More of the BSG we've come to know and love. So tense! Depressing! Timely! A little violent, let's be honest. I'm going to just come out and say it, and you can all mock me if you so choose: Battlestar Galactica is the best drama on television.

I'm Totally Lost

So who saw Lost last night? Take the title of this post seriously -- I have no idea what's going on on that island. I'm so confused! Can someone explain it to me? I kept thinking I was missing really important, revealing clues that would explain crucial aspects of the story to me, but they were all just flying right over my head as I stared blankly at the screen saying, "What? What's going on? I don't understand!"

And still, I love that show.

I Have a Green Thumb for Couch Potatoes

My new favorite channel: Sprout.

What can I say? The girls are sick. (And today we find out they have asthma to boot. Fantastic.) Everyone is grumpy and tired and needs a distraction. Who better than Tinky-Winky, Dipsy, La-La, and Po?

I know there are plenty of critics, but I say "Hooray!" for 24-hour toddler-oriented programming.

Welcome, Libby!

For those of you who have been following Kerri's extended pregnancy, good news! Elizabeth ("Libby") was finally born yesterday afternoon, only 9 days overdue and after nearly a day of labor. Congratulations, Kerri and Martin!

Why I'm Considering Homeschooling

What is wrong with this country?

Truck driver kills three girls in Amish school shooting

Principal killed at Wisconsin school; 9th-grader charged

Sheriff: School shooter sent letter to say sorry

Gunman spotted, 2 Vegas schools locked down

Federal funds to prevent school violence dropping

From that last article:

"From 1992 to 2002, 261 people ages 5 to 19 were killed at school, according to federal statistics. The worst years -- 1992-93 and 1997-98 -- saw 34 deaths, and the lowest total was 12, in 2000-01."

Kelly, the Amazing Relationship Counselor

I'm a big fan of The Amazing Race. It's one of the few reality shows I really get interested in. (That and the cooking shows -- when does Top Chef season 2 start??)

I'm fascinated by the Race because it showcases the world and because it brings home the fact that so many of my countrymen and -women fall into the Ugly American stereotype. Few are the contestants who really seem to appreciate the sights they're seeing and the cultures they get to experience. Too many are those who seem to view the world with a sense of superiority and condescension.

That, however, is not the aspect of the Race we'll be discussing today. Rather, our topic of conversation is this: Why is it that at least one team on every season is a couple who's using the Race to try to work out whether they really belong together? This season, it's Rob and Kimberly. Here's what the official Amazing Race site has to say about them:

"Rob & Kimberly met while bartending in Los Angeles, California. The young couple has been dating for two years and recently moved in together. Their primary reason for running the Race is to see if their relationship can withstand the intensity and pressure of traveling around the world at such a frantic pace."

The show is constantly showing clips of Rob and Kimberly saying things like, "We're at that point in our relationship when we need to decide whether to get married or go our separate ways."

What?? I'm sorry, but I don't think any healthy relationship ever reaches that point. You're happy together, or you're not. If you both want to get married, great! If not, that's okay too. If one does and the other doesn't, well, you have some issues to work out. But don't just say to yourselves that you've been together for X years, and that's the time when you're supposed to get married, so you'd better fish or cut bait.

These couples are letting society's expectations (or, rather, their perceptions of society's expectations) dictate for them the path of their relationship. It's not about whether they're happy with each other and their relationship -- it's about whether they're supposed to be happy. And whether they're supposed to be happier if they get married.

What an incredibly bad reason to get married.

Now, I don't pretend to be a relationship expert. (Well, sometimes I do.) I do have a marriage that I think everyone should envy, but every relationship is different and needs to be dealt with on its own terms. Perhaps it's conceivable that there are couples out there for whom this kind of thinking works -- maybe it really does make them happy to do what they think society wants them to do. (It's also possible, just maybe, that we don't see the whole story with these couples, but rather just the snippets of interviews CBS thinks will make for good TV. So it isn't really fair to judge them, is it? But I do anyway.)

Get married if you want to. Don't if you don't want to. If you're not sure, work it out. Talk about it. But don't take your relationship on national television and air your differences and fears and grievances there. If you feel like your relationship needs to pass some sort of test to prove it works, maybe you've already failed the test.