I was always a little mystified a) by the fact that such women could exist and b) that they'd be interesting enough for anyone to complain about. Sure, they sounded pathetic. But who cares? Let them live their child-centered lives and leave them be. Oh, and keep your distance. I didn't intend to have kids (funny how that worked out), so I couldn't understand such a life, but I also wasn't terribly interested in finding out more.
Fast-forward a few years. Here I am, stay-at-home mom of two. I was having a conversation recently in which a friend was talking about those stay-at-home moms who only want to talk about their kids all day long, blah blah blah, shoot me in the head before I have to talk to those robots. And it hit me: I'm that mom. I'm the one they've been making fun of all these years. I'm the one who doesn't even know how laughable she is as she drones on about daycare and napping schedules and the overwhelming signs that her children are geniuses, geniuses I tell you!
Those of you who know me primarily through the blog might get the impression that all I ever talk about is my radical left-wing atheist worldview. As much as I love to use this blog to foist my progressivism on all of you, in person I'm far less interesting. These days, you can barely get me to talk about anything other than the fact that I just don't know what to do about the twins' new dance class, which isn't exactly going as I'd expected.
So, fine. I'm a tedious mombot. I can deal with that.
But how will I deal with it in five years? Ten? Fifteen? A time will come when these kids fly the coop, and I'll probably be just as obsessed with them then as I am now. And that, my friends, will be truly pathetic. I really try to be my own person, to live my own life as much as possible, both for my own sanity and to set a good example for the girls. (No need for them to know that they're the center of the world.) But I'm not sure I do such a good job. Everything leads back to them. My big obsessions lately are finding new recipes so I can include them more in the cooking processing, singing more so I can share my favorite songs with them, and cultivating new crafts that we can all do together. Even when I start out with an entirely selfish project, I find a way to tie them in. I want to knit more, but they're not old enough to learn to knit yet, so I find myself putting projects off because I can't share them with the girls. I want to read books for grownups, the kind with chapters and small print and no pictures, but the girls aren't old enough to read these books with me, so I pick up Your Personal Penguin (for the eleventy-millionth time) instead.
I know I have years to sort this out, but I'm a little worried that I'll never be able to claw my way out from being that mom and finding a way to be just Kelly again. Is that so bad?
7 comments:
Kelly, you were raised by that mom.
A poor version of that mom with a Ford Escort instead of a mini van, but that mom none the less.
Some how you still managed to learn this radical progressive world veiw. Sans the atheism, I wonder where that came from.
Of course, I was stuck at home because, having been a teenaged bride, I didn't have the education to pursue a career. Instead I tried to be the best mom I could, and I am still very angry that being a parent is not valued in our society. (Yes, that includes those dads too. You know, the goofy ones who can't wait to get home and play with their kids, read them stories, give them baths . . .)
The shallow ones are the people who don't value parenting. No, not just anyone can do it. It's difficult, hard work, and you never get a break from the crushing responsibility.
When the girls are older, and less physically dependent on you, you'll have some time for other interests, but your connection to them will never diminish, and it shouldn't.
Just thumb your nose at all those shallow yuppies who have no comprehension about the world of parenting. They are the stupid ones, the ones who won't learn and will never understand. They are blind to anything that doesn't concern them, so don't give them another thought.
An open mind is wide open, and information flows both ways. I'm proud to say I've raised three geniouses with open minds.
Speaking from the non-parent side of life, I see what you do as being a good parent. You are teaching your girls about caring and adventure. They are going to be willing to try new things. It's great. I don't know if you ever stopped being Kelly. I think you are more "Kelly" now. Your "Kelly-ness" has expanded. (I refused to change the "y" at the end of your name to an "i" in order to add "ness".
It's just this simple - cherish every minute with your family and always try to make the most of it for in a fleeting moment you will turn around to find that your children will be grown and you may be left with an empty nest full of precious memories and a long distance relationship. Being "that mom" may very well be the best part of your life. Enjoy!
I'm watching my kids get older and trying to pull them back into me so I can hold onto being 'that mom.' I mean, I still am, but the dynamic of it has changed a bit. I hope it stays intact for as long as possible, though. I enjoy spending time with them and making them smirk at me when I do silly things, and cheering them when they excel at what they enjoy. I, too, used to be the woman with a plan on how I would mother before I ever was a mother. My plans changed immediately. I'm loving that!
I guess it all boils down to this, you talk about what interests you and what you are doing in your life. At the moment, for you, it is raising two adorable geniuses. Not a thing wrong with wanting to share that with your friends.
I just found your blog tonight. Great post! Being a parent is only valued by the parents themselves.
Everyone is going to have a different view, but I think being a parent is the hardest job on earth. Your doing a wonderful job. Don't let anyone tell you differently.
Jillian
It's like you're speaking my words for me. It's not easy to find a balance.
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